Cancer Kinda Sucks...

  I've been told there's a wall that everyone hits. Some crash into it in week three, others much later—but few escape it entirely. For me, that wall came on what was supposed to be a day of celebration: My last day of radiation. The final treatment. I had imagined joy. Relief. Maybe even a breath of freedom. Instead, it marked the beginning of the bleeding. Heavy bleeding. Every cough, every sneeze, even a simple spit—blood. My throat felt like it was on fire. Even water—just water—was too much. One bottle would last me two days, each sip a painful, drawn-out battle. I couldn’t bring myself to update the blog. Not because I didn’t want to share—but because all I had in me was darkness. And yet, even in that darkness, I knew it would get better. I just didn’t know when. My spirit was worn thin, my body weaker by the day. No food, no calories, just survival. Each moment was a quiet endurance. ------ The past few days have brought about little victories. I have f...

  Week 6 wrapped up without much change — still no appetite, no sense of taste, and completely drained. When asked if I needed more pain medication on Friday, I said no… which turned out to be a mistake. Saturday hit hard. It felt like there was a shard of glass lodged in my throat — every swallow made it worse, even liquids were painful. Sunday wasn’t any better. I was low on calories and still in pain. I barely got out of bed and never left the hotel room. By Sunday evening, I finally emailed my doctor and asked for a refill on the pain meds. Week 7 BEGINS!!!! This morning, I woke up determined. Despite the pain, I managed to drink an instant breakfast and made it to the hospital for my radiation treatment. Afterwards, I decided to walk back — and surprisingly, it felt like the right call. The more I walked, the better it felt. This afternoon, I’m headed back to the hospital for hydration and to meet with the nurses. Fingers crossed we can get the pain under control and k...

  It’s 2am as I write this. My sleep schedule has been completely wrecked by all the treatment. Some nights I manage to get a few hours, other nights I don’t sleep at all. But — a win: 12 hours ago, I finished my final chemo infusion. One last bag of poison, done. I’ve got about a week of radiation left. The skin on my neck is in rough shape — peeling in places, darkened in others, with raw pink patches scattered throughout. It itches constantly, and some areas don’t stretch like they used to, which causes cracking when I move. I put lotion on several times a day just to keep things tolerable. Swallowing still hurts, and probably will for a few more weeks. I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting — it all blurs together. That is the garbage that comes with treatment. But on the positive side: I met with one of my three doctors on Monday, and she’s really happy with how things are going. Fewer ulcers than normal, which means my body’s handling the treatment better than expected, even wi...

This week, the side effects have started creeping in. My neck is showing signs of burning from the radiation, my throat is becoming uncomfortable again, nausea has started (thankfully not to the point of throwing up), and fatigue—especially in the sun—is hitting hard. My sleep has been pretty off, and the most frustrating part… I’ve completely lost my sense of taste. That said, I’m holding on to the positives. Monday is my last planned chemo , and that milestone is keeping me going. If I can push through this week and next, I’ll be on the other side of the most intense part of treatment. Still ahead are 8 more rounds of radiation and a stack of follow-up appointments, but every day gets me closer to healing. I’m taking it one step at a time, and even though it’s tough, I’m feeling hopeful. There’s light at the end of this tunnel—and I’m walking toward it. Thanks for the love and support—it means more than I can say.    

On Monday, I had my next-to-last chemo treatment. A local church gifted me a small blanket, and as I read the prayer stitched onto it, I found comfort and peace, eventually drifting off for a short nap. This morning, I went to the hospital for radiation, then returned to the hotel and slept for most of the day. By evening, I felt much more refreshed than I had in the morning after a night of light sleep. I am already looking a little forward to no longer being in the hospital.  I plan to ride my bike a bit and try to get some endurance back up soon.  I want to be as close to 100% as possible when I return home.